Dealing with depression again

Six months ago I stopped living. I literally dropped my job and just quit showing up. Didn’t log in to my social media accounts, turned off my phone, didn’t go out of the house, didn’t take baths, and didn’t communicate with anyone aside from my husband and daughter. I thought it was just a phase. I’ve been through it before, it generally lasts only a few days to about two weeks. That time was different because it lasted about two months. My thought was I just need to pull myself together, give myself sometime and I’ll come through. It’s been a cycle that’s been going on since I started college.

I’ve never considered mental illness before. I’m just tired, just sadder than average sad, I just need to rest a bit. I have undergone psychiatric evaluation before and was told the initial tests seem to point to some mood disorders but nothing conclusive, need more evaluation. The consultation is expensive, the tests were expensive so I thought “fuck it, I’m gonna fix myself”.

Last week the same symptoms have showed up again. I don’t want to get out of the house, I have no appetite. Have only eaten one meal in the last three days. Today was the worst, I woke up like it’s the end of the world, I was crying for no reason so I tried to amuse myself and watch youtube comedy stuff but I did the mistake of watching about mental illnesses because I ended up crying again.

This time I’ll see another psychiatrist then take tests and all to see if there’s something wrong with me mentally. If I don’t then it’s all good, I can pull my shit together by myself. If I do have a mental disorder then I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m scared to think about it because that’s going to affect my family.

Bypass twitter security verification

I know it’s bad but I had no choice. I just remembered I have a twitter account and tried to access it today. Not sure if it’s standard or because I haven’t logged in for months? years? I was prompted to enter a security question which happens to be my phone number. Gah! Of all the things they have to ask. I’ve changed numbers in the past years so it’s a no go and apparently there’s no other option around it, there’s just that box prompting for my phone number, a submit button and a report a problem button which redirects to what suspiciously looks like an affidavit of loss form and I doubt it would be resolved right away.

Enter work around. Yay! Go back to the login page and hit “Forgot password” choose email as a way to reset. You get the forgot password link in your email, you can set it to the same password you have now no need to change and voila! you’re in.🙂

Hope this helps!

I don’t remember my dreams

DeepDream photo grabbed from

I can count the number of dreams I recall on one hand. I can only remember two actually and not even in details. I only remember it had to do with giant balls of threads and the other is godzilla. It’s amazing how other people can recall their dreams in vivid details. According to what I’ve read, every healthy person dreams and not all can recall their dreams but the thing is, I don’t remember even vaguely if I dreamed in my sleep. If I were to be asked when is the last time I dreamed, it’s back in highschool, the godzilla dream. Try as I can, I don’t remember dreaming the last few years. Should I be worried?

Some say it’s a sign that I’m not very much concerned/conscious with life or that I don’t have things I worry about. Well, I beg to differ, like any normal person I worry about a lot of things. Another person says that not having any dreams is a sign of spiritual advancement. Oh wow! I don’t know about that. And last but not the least which I find plausible is the lack of nutrition especially B6, too much sugar and coffee. I’m not a food person. I eat for the sake of eating, for the sake of nourishment. I would just wolf down whatever is in front of me with no thought of nutrition, I just need to feel full but I do consume coffee by the tons with sugar of course and tea. I guess it’s about time I cut down on coffee but I don’t think I can let go of tea.

Today is my first day of doing polyphasic sleeping and REM has been the core of most articles I’ve read leading me to suddenly become conscious of not recalling any dream or recall dreaming. Nutrition is also a huge part since I’ll be depriving my body of one of its basic needs so I need to start eating healthier. And now I’m rambling so I’ll end it here. lol

The orange backpack is all set and ready to go

After over a year na nakatengga lang sa sulok, it’s set and ready to go again. Yay for us! Will spend about a week in Bukidnon and 10 hours in Davao. 10 hours! OMG kulang!

Dahil sa sobrang kakuriputan instead of flying from Cagayan de Oro straight to Manila going back home, I decided to detour and bruise my bottoms to save at least a thousand pesos. Which I will probably spend in food and souvenirs anyway. Hahahaha. At least napakinabangan in other ways kesa sa pag-upo lang sa eroplano.

It was quite nice of Cebu Pacific to reinstate my booking kahit pumalya yung unang payment due to bank delay so tuloy na tuloy na and walang atrasan. Thank you Cebu Pacific for giving the opportunity to kuripots like me to travel without the guilty feeling of spending so much on plane ticket. Mas mahal pa ang bus round trip ticket ko kesa dito!


Name that flower

After days of hunting I finally found the name of a flower I bought about two years ago during the La Trinidad Strawberry Festival. It looks like an orchid but it’s not. After a reverse image search it seems to match the blue flag iris but then it’s a bit off. After many many attempts of finding an exact match and using Philippine Iris as a string, it finally yielded its name. It’s called walking iris (Neomarica northiana) but there’s another catch, it’s not a true iris but some kind of a lily. At last I know what it’s called now. Regardless if it’s an iris or a lily, it’s still beautiful.

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Brazillian walking iris (Neomarica caerulea)

Women and gigantic bags / luggage


I am a female but I don’t understand the need for helluva gigantic bag or luggage. This is why I would never offer to carry le girlfriend’s bag/s, period. And I pity those poor guys toting around oversized bags/handbags/totes/houses. Why bring a hugeass bag and let another soul suffer. Can’t carry then don’t carry, le boyfriend is not a personal bellhop. I personally don’t think guys who carry their girlfriend’s stuff cool unless it’s the grocery, some equipment or something seriously heavy but not heavy personal bags/handbags/totes/houses.

I would often tease my best friend that she takes her house with her wherever she goes and it’s half meant. Her handbag weighs like 2-3 kg at an average. And if you look inside it’s made up of purses(?); wallet/s, make ups, toiletry (seriously who would carry such around on a daily basis), stuffs group 1, stuffs group 2, and some other stuff. I would only carry a bag with me if the things I’ll be needing won’t fit in my pockets.

My sister recently came home from overseas for a 2-week vacation and ohmygollygeewow! Her personal belongings weigh about 20kg packed in 10kg luggage. You are travelling international to one of the worst airport in the world known for opportunist taxi drivers, logically you would want to pack light to avoid the hassle of losing a luggage or the nightmare of transporting it around. Once went on a 5 day vacation with her and still, she brought a 20kg luggage whereas I had duffel bag topping at maybe 5 kg. On a 3 day vacation, my worldly belongings fit into my small orange backpack. 3 sets of clothes, 1 set extra (opposite the weather I packed for), 1 set sleeping clothes, half dozen underwears, pocket size toiletries, beauty kit (powder, lipbalm, small bottle perfume, sunblock), slippers, sarong(which served as towel). Can’t think of anything else to stuff in there. So yeah, it’s kinda difficult for me to swallow a 30kg pack for a 2-week stay unless of course you are camping and you have to bring your kitchen with you.